What is it about Mothers (and Fathers!)?
My friend had gone abroad for a couple of years to work and we were chatting on the phone one evening. She was a young girl, full of energy and excited by the opportunities of living in a new place. I guess I sounded like a tired mother, stretched to several shredded pieces.
She said to me,
‘You should do what they do over here, it’s a different life. Get someone in to take care of the kids for you, imagine what it would be like if you didn’t have to do baths anymore…’
Silence.
‘Well, actually…I like to bath my kids, you know, it’s a time to talk, to relax with them, play games. And I don’t just wash them, I take care of them, cut their nails, check their hair. Would anyone else care for my kids like I do?
‘Um…I guess not, never thought of it like that’.
My friend, thank G-d, now has a family of her own and she is an incredibly devoted, hands-on mother.
There are times when it is just not possible, or wise, to juggle everything ourselves, but let’s not kid ourselves that anyone else can take the place of parents.
I was reminded recently that this ability extends beyond our homes, for the unique understanding that a parent has is necessary for their child in all settings.
My little girl brings home weekly report cards. Several weeks ago I saw her grades were not what I would have expected, both in learning and behaviour. I spoke to her, wrote notes to the teacher, nothing happened. So I made an appointment to meet her teacher and find out what was going on. The child she described to me was a different one to the child I know at home. Nothing terrible, just silly behaviour patterns that my daughter had picked up and assumed were acceptable when with her friends. I got the feeling that my daughter was becoming a ‘problem’.
Well I had my work cut out for me. I tried different ways to explain to her that we make choices about what is good for us, that it is not wise to copy what we see until we have thought about how that will help us grow. We did stacks of maths and Chumash worksheets to catch up lost time. And I made every effort to point out to her where she had acted sensibly and how proud we were of her progress.
I met this teacher the other day and she approached me with a big smile on her face.
‘Your daughter is wonderful’ she stated joyfully.
I smiled back.
I am happy that she has found my wonderful daughter. I am even happier that my wonderful daughter has found herself. But I smile most of all because I am so grateful that I never lost track of my wonderful daughter.
We as parents have a huge responsibility to know our children so well that we can keep track for them even when they lose themselves. No-one else, however well meaning, can possibly understand our wonderful daughters and our wonderful sons as we can. We have to notice the subtle movements, the little ups and downs, and navigate together with them through this incredible journey through childhood.
Tags: Behaviour Patterns, Different Ways, Little Girl, parenting advice, parenting child, parenting children, parenting education, parenting kids, Parents, Young Girl
