DIFFerent kinds of ABILITIES!
I’m in the room upstairs this morning talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. My niece is coming to stay and we are discussing the details. She is eight and has special needs so we are working out how we will get to school and preparing her evening injections. We have done this before and we are well equipped to manage her routine and special diet so I’m not the slightest bit concerned, but mothers will be concerned mothers.
‘Are you sure it’ll be alright, you’ve so much on, will your kids be OK with it?’
‘What do you mean, never too much to do to find some time for my niece and my kids love it and besides it’s good for us because…
I am looking out of the window over the garden as we talk. My home backs on to a car park for a couple of shops and they are doing building work there. There is a huge skip and an even larger pile of rubble. Two workmen are carrying a plasterboard panel across the site. One of them is a big, broad guy; the other is a tiny fellow, seemingly with some sort of dwarf syndrome. It is a funny and heart-warming sight, watching them heave the massive board over the side of the skip, laughing as they work.
I’m doing the typical multitasking thing continuing my conversation as I watch them and then I stop…
‘Oh my, you won’t believe this; I have never seen anything like this in my life.’
They have turned around to return to the rubbish tip and this big, hefty guy puts his arm around his little friend as they walk back for their next load. Not the kind of sight one would expect on a building site. A little thing that is really massive, that like the little fellow, cannot be measured by size.
‘Why is it that the most unusual, and sometimes the most challenging situations bring out our inner strength?’ I ask as I describe the scene.
She understands. She’s witness to such scenes daily. Yes it is good for us…
I only wish I had snapped a picture, I would have loved to share that scene with my kids.
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Many times I share with parents their frustrations over the difficulties they face bringing up a child with ‘different abilities’.
The world simply does not understand. Teachers think you just have no idea of how to bring up children and the professionals who do understand what it takes to manage such a situation just look at you in pity, they know they can rarely offer the resources necessary to make a difference. Other parents know that if you would only follow their advice it would all be different and if you can’t get your act together then please keep your child away from theirs!
And is it any better at home? Siblings often feel embarrassed having a child in the family who is ‘not normal’ and may be resentful if they feel this means less time and attention is left for them. Meanwhile exhausted and overstretched parents feel punished; they can’t seem to please anyone.
We need to remember that there are no mistakes. As parents we have the best knowledge of our children and we should never give up on our quest to provide the very best opportunities for all our children, no matter what their needs or abilities. Be ready to learn and grow with your children because parents of special children are special too. When you are having trouble believing that remember that for your child you are the most important person in the world. And when siblings feel hard done by they can be reminded that there are reasons – even when they are not within our ability to understand – and how they will be deeper, more aware and more caring people from their experiences.
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